The Problem of the Genitally Challenged on the Roads

There appear to be many Genitally Challenged people on New Zealand roads. As a driver of a large vehicle I see many of them. They are easy to spot because they tend to exhibit one or more of the following behaviours:

  1. Passing large vehicles (LVs) approaching a blind corner
  2. Passing LVs approaching the brow of a hill
  3. Pulling out from the side of the road or a side road right in front of the LV, apparently in the mistaken belief that large vehicles (tour buses and trucks) can stop as quickly as a car. I have often seen people do this with their kids in the back seat of the car.
  4. Trying to pass the LV as it starts to merge right near the end of a passing lane
  5. Passing a LV and then travelling slower than the LV was when they passed it
  6. Passing a LV at the same time as the LV is passing someone else – I have had this happen to me twice.
  7. Travelling  slowly until a LV tries to pass and then speeding up until the passing opportunity is gone and then slowing down again.

Apparently, those with small penises (the Genitally Challenged) are so insecure about it that they believe that if they follow a LV everyone will know they have a small penis. But by exhibiting the above behaviours they just confirm that they have a small penis. Maybe someone could start a support group for these people. With enough facebook likes they might even get government funding.

U.S. of Americans and their bathrooms

I watch HGTV every now and then. They have a show called House Hunters, where a couple are shown three houses and they choose which one they will buy.

I have noticed a few things while watching this. Firstly, US of Americans* do not refer to a room containing a toilet as a toilet. Instead they call it a half bath. There is no bath, not even half of one. Just a toilet and a basin. But then, North Americans (yes, Canadians have the same issue) have long avoided referring to the toilet. They use a bathroom, restroom, or washroom. Unfortunately this reluctance to say “toilet” is spreading. Here in New Zealand I often hear people say bathroom instead of toilet, and some malls have signs pointing to the restrooms. I have yet to see a nice couch or bed where one could have a rest in one of those rooms.

But I digress. US of Americans seem to think that a house (or apartment – condo in their language) needs at least one bathroom per person. Even a couple without children will turn up their noses if there aren’t two bathrooms. And, of course, there have to be dual basins in the bathrooms. I grew up in a household of 2 adults and four children and we managed with one bathroom and one toilet, and none of us is receiving counselling as a result.

It isn’t just bathrooms that cause angst. Closets (wardrobes to the rest of us) also have to be the size of a normal bedroom, and the kitchen has be huge. The counter tops must be granite, and there has to be an island and, preferably, a peninsula. The appliances have to be stainless steel, and the cook top has to use gas, not electricity. If the kitchen is more than five years old it will need to be ripped out and replaced. All the floors have to be hardwood but there seems to be a lack of awareness among the women that stiletto heels and wooden floors do not mix well.

There is also a show called House Hunters International, which is the same thing but features US of American couples looking for houses elsewhere in the world. It is amusing watching them look at apartments in Europe expecting to find large kitchens and two bathrooms. These are rarities in Europe. The local real estate agents must find their US of American clients very odd, and frustrating to deal with.

I am also struck by how many US of Americans think their children are very stupid. One couple didn’t like a kitchen because the gas cook top was on the island and therefore one of the kids might put their hand in the flame. Another didn’t like the staircase as their kids might decide to jump over the banister. They will only do it once and if your kids really are that stupid then maybe you should look at the gene pool they crawled out of.

Overall these shows can be amusing, but you do find yourself wanting to throw things at the TV. This isn’t helped by the number of women on the show who have the most annoying screechy voices. Where do they find them?

*I use this term as America is not just the bit between Canada and Mexico, it actually stretches from the most northerly part of Canada all the way south to Tierra del Fuego. Argentinians, Chileans, and Panamanians are all Americans. Calling the USA America is like calling France Europe.